No way…

“I wish you could live here.”
“What do you mean? I AM lying here.”
“No, not lie. Live.”

Tonight we talked about moving in together. Nothing new or exciting, as we’ve talked about this for years. And I basically lived with him for a short but very sweet four months in LA this past year. Now every day, week, and month brings us closer to this once distant dream. Hard to believe what we’ve been through and where we are today, not just as a couple but as individuals. Both of us have full time jobs now. Any day now, I’ll have enough income and enough courage to face my parents.

We looked at listings and locations, talked about what we would want. A house so he can practice his instruments without disturbing neighbors. An extra room for my office. Would you mind having hardwood floors? We could cover them with carpet. What do you think of that location? Is that too far out in the boonies for you?

And that’s not all. We talked about how to get there, what to strive for. My goal is to make double the amount I’m making right now for at least three months. He explained how it could be either earned or projected income, but the average over three months would have to reach that amount.

Who knows how long it will take before I make that much. But it was certainly nice to have something to motivate me in the meantime.

I’m telling you, it was hard to find a good recent photo. So I found an old one. July 2007.

Ever since I was a kid, I was resistant to change. When I came home from school and saw a new appliance or piece of furniture, I would pout that my parents didn’t warn me ahead of time or ask for my opinion. In high school when I had the option of upgrading to a new cell phone, I chose to buy the exact same phone again. Of course this doesn’t apply to every situation of my life (because that would be absurd!)… but this stubborn part of me emerges at the most random times…

I switched from a PC to a Mac fairly recently. But to tell the truth I hadn’t REALLY made the move yet. I’ve got my Macbook Pro all set up with my beautiful beast of a monitor (Christmas present from Ryan, thank youuuu even though you never read this) but it’s all a facade. I’ll use the Mac for the fun and easy stuff like email and KoL and facebook. When it comes down to the important stuff, I go right back to my broken Dell with the line cutting the screen into uneven halves.

Now that my PC is currently showing a pretty deep blue pattern of stripes with the phrase ***Hardware Malfunction*** at the top of the screen, I’ve been forced to use the Mac for photo editing.

I know it will take time to get used to, but it seems like I’m the only one in the world who has this problem. I feel like I need a pair of glasses to see the photos clearly. The minute details and nuances in color and light that I loved on my PC seem to have vanished here. All the articles and sources I find online say that Macs are better for photo editing and display sharper photos – here I am thinking the exact opposite.

Maybe it was the resolution of my screen. Maybe it’s the difference in gamma (Macs have a brighter gamma by default).

Maybe I’m just a cranky old grump who wants things to stay the same no matter what.

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By the way, I HATE the ugly truth that no matter how much time I spend perfecting the colors and lighting on a photo, it still has the potential to look horrifically out of whack on another person’s monitor. I remember the first time this dawned on me, at least in relation to my photos. I had just perfected a masterpiece and happened to view it on another computer. It was totally off. I went back to my own computer and changed it again so it would look right on the other screen. But there was no point… it would look different on every single person’s screen.

It was like my entire sense of reality had been pulled out from beneath me. What was real and perfect on my monitor… did not exist elsewhere. (I was devastated.)

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Footnote: I’m hoping that calibrating both my Macbook and external monitor screens will help ease my transition!

Alright, I’ve kept these to myself long enough.

Mackenzie and I went to high school together. We were both on the cheer squad and violinists in the school orchestra! I met her hubby Steve on the wedding day and he was the epitome of a gentleman.

1. Wedding photos wouldn’t be complete without a shot of the bouquet.

2. I have another reallyyyy pretty shot of the rings but it’s on the broken laptop…

3. The Oakland temple was a fabulous location for photos.

4. w00t w00t!

5. HAHA their faces are priceless..

5 1/2. Lookin’ suave, gentlemen.

6.

7. All the girls.

8. I loooove this shot, I just wished I had zoomed out a bit to improve the composition!

9. The flower girl looks like she wants to eat the bouquet!

10. Sibling love. <3

10 1/2. Steve and his grandma.

11. Can you tell how happy they were to be together?

11 1/2. This reminded me of the fountain in Friends.

12. It had been raining all week. We prayed and prayed for a clear day, and look at the wonderful view we got!

12 1/2. Strolling through the temple grounds…

13. Adorable.

14. Natural smiles ftw!

15. As soon as I saw this bench I knew what I wanted to do with it!

16. Like a fairytale… *dreamy sigh*

That was my first time to a Mormon wedding. Easiest wedding of my life! Which I guess isn’t saying much because I’m not a seasoned professional, but yeah. Nobody is allowed inside the church except for the parents and maybe really close friends. So I wasn’t allowed to photograph the ceremony. All I had to cover was the married couple walking out of the temple, formal family shots in front of the temple, then a bridal shoot with all the time in the world! Seriously a dream come true for a wedding photographer. The only rush was when another photographer came up to me and asked when we would be done taking family photos because the next party wanted their turn. But even then, we had plenty of time to get the shots we wanted.

Mackenzie, Steve and I went to Blackhawk Plaza in Danville to take more photos of just the two of them. Their reception wasn’t until 7 pm so we basically had like six hours to kill! So surreal, having the honor of spending time with them on their special day. It’s the day they will remember for the rest of their lives… and I was right there. Eating lunch with them. Spending hours with them. lol.

The day only required about 5 hours of work compared to the usual 10, and they loved the results! Not that I don’t like full day weddings, it’s just so much more exhausting.

Happy happy day. This was my 2nd wedding shooting as the main photographer.

Thank you to all who participated in my just-for-fun poll.

Do you know what a Chocobo is? The results (girls only, because that was the point!)…
Yes: 3
No: 6

A chocobo is a large bird from the Final Fantasy videogame. It is usually yellow and functions like a horse for transportation. I am by no means an expert on this so I will just stop before I butcher the description further.

If you want to learn more, here’s a link.

I used to watch my younger brother play Final Fantasy. I could sing along to all the background music lol. The Chocobo theme song is the best!!!

Today was a crappy day.

This is really embarrassing for me to share but I want to write about my success AND struggles in managing a small business.

Last night my third Dell laptop crashed. Since it was the 3rd one to let me down you would think that I expected it, right? It already had that fat vertical white line down the middle of the screen. My dad has been bugging me about backing up my photos. Just last week he said, “If your laptop broke down, would all of your photos be safe?” Ryan reminds me to do it too. I hate people telling me what to do. I think more often than not, it makes me want to do the opposite just to spite them. I did back up the photos… but not all of them. There are two sessions on the hard drive that I don’t have copies of anywhere else.

So when the screen began to flash and show black and blue pixels, I panicked. I was scared to even try to restart it, scared to face the truth that I hadn’t backed up my files like a good responsible photographer should always do. That was last night. This morning I turned the laptop off and turned it back on again. After 4-5 times I got to the desktop, but… it’s not looking so good.

That was stressful. Then I went to work at a birthday party for a little boy who turned 4 years old. Photographing young children is like photographing sports… you have to anticipate their timing and keep up with their constant movement. The party was at an indoor inflatable “bounce stadium.” At the end of the party (three hours later), the mom turned to me breathlessly and thanked me for coming. “Here’s $100 since you came early,” she said.

I was stunned. I wonder what my face looked like at that moment, because in my email I had stated that I charge $80… PER HOUR. That meant she owed me $240. Everyone was packing up to leave… they were carting (literally, in a rolling cart) out the presents to the car, gathering coats and babies, etc. I imagined telling her she owed me more than twice the amount she paid and then demanding that she pay up in the midst of this chaos. I did not want to do that. So I didn’t.

Instead, I walked to my car dejectedly and sat there watching them load up the car, wondering how to go up and ask them to pay up. Still couldn’t do it. I felt like crying.

While driving home I turned up the radio to drown out my misery. Ke$ha started playing and (this sounds so silly) the song brightened my mood and gave me the confidence to call the mom.

“Hi! I’m sorry to bother you – there was a misunderstanding with the pricing. I actually charge $80 per hour. I didn’t want to hassle you while everyone was leaving.”
“Oh…… I see… how much do we owe you?”
“It’s $240 for three hours.”
“What??? That’s WAY too much. We picked you because the other photographer charged $150.”
“Ohhh… I’m sorry…”
“You know, he only charges a flat rate for events.”
“I see…”
“Yeah, that’s way too much. Can we work something out? Can I give you $150?”
“Okay. I’m sorry about all this.”
“Alright, I’ll mail you a check.”

I WAS going to write up an invoice beforehand but I thought $80/hr was clear enough in my email. Lesson learned. I came home and told Ryan about what happened and he got upset at me for letting her get away with a discount. “You can’t do that!! Don’t give her the photos!*”

*edit: He meant don’t give her the photos unless she pays the full amount. He also wanted me to explain to her why I charge this much (aka remind her that I also spend more time editing the photos afterward).

These situations are really tough for me. I don’t like confrontation.

The other night Ryan was being weird (what else is new) and walking around all funky. I cracked up and imitated him, exclaiming “You look like a chocobo!!!!!”

“YOU NERD!!!!” he said, laughing hysterically. “I bet most girls wouldn’t even know what a chocobo is.”

Poll of the day, for females only: Do you know what a chocobo is?

Whenever I get ready to go out (shower, make up, hair, etc) I think about this movie clip. So funny!!

That is so me. I style my hair while it’s wet because I’m too lazy to blow dry it, so it needs to stay scrunched until it’s dry. Ryan always embraces me then brushes my hair behind my shoulders and I yell at him for messing up my hair. Hahahaha. Then he kisses my hand and I cringe when he tastes my lotion. He leans in to give me a peck on the cheek and I can’t help but think of how he’s ruining my flawless mineral foundation! Finally he tries to kiss me on the lips.. and I turn away or straight up tell him to stop. LOL. I know he doesn’t like the sticky feeling of lip balm or lip gloss so I warn him whenever he comes close.

It’s only like that right after I’ve gotten ready. After a couple of hours it doesn’t matter anymore.

Ta ta for now, dear Xangans!

*elbow rub*

This week I attended a photography lecture by the world famous Scott Robert Lim, the mentor of MY mentor. Haha. I know a lot of other photographers who regularly attend his workshops and lectures and they always encourage me to go. Even my parents pressure me to “invest in your education”, which is of course a wonderful and wise thing to do. I never took photography classes in high school or college and my parents love to remind me how much I lack in technical knowledge of the camera.

I have a lot to say about the lecture but I’ll save that for my next post. For now I’ll talk about the experience and not the things I learned.

First of all – I felt really shy and out of place. When I arrived, there were maybe 10-15 people in the classroom, and they all seemed to know each other already. Not anyone’s fault.. in fact it was probably my fault for making things more awkward than they needed to be lol. That’s how it always happens. If you THINK a situation is going to be awkward, it will be.

Looking around the room, I couldn’t help but notice how young I was in comparison to everyone else. There were people in their 30s, 40s, even 50s. I know that being young is an advantage in this industry but I think I get caught up in thinking how my appearance makes me lose credibility. It’s silly, I need to stop thinking that. If anything it gives me more of a reason to show people what I can do despite how young I look.

On a related note… the room was dominated by males. That didn’t make me insecure or anything lol, just an observation.

As the room filled up, I found myself surrounded by new faces on all sides. The six people sitting closest to me were all really friendly and easy to talk to and that eased my shyness. I’m fine with talking to strangers. I like meeting new people. I did not like sitting alone awkwardly before everyone arrived.

Obviously everyone there was interested in photography. There had to be at least five people at any given moment walking around and snapping photos. I found it really annoying and wondered if that’s how people view me. It was like… dude, chill out. It’s a room full of people sitting around talking. Do you really need to capture this moment?

But the real reason why I didn’t like them taking photos was because I didn’t want to be in them. I am just like most people. When I see that huge lens pointed in my direction, I get nervous. I suddenly become completely aware of every movement I make, every facial expression that is being watched. I don’t like being watched!!!! I found myself blinking a lot every time the video camera made a sweep across my portion of the room. And I would laugh nervously whenever I saw a lens looking straight at me. I hated it!

When I’m the one taking photos, it’s easy to see this reaction in others. I usually smile and walk away, wait until they become immune to my presence, then shoot from a different angle so they can’t see me. I know, I’m a stalker. But it works. And I only post the most flattering, natural smiles.

Hehe love this photo taken by Alex. I’m a creeper and I’m proud of it!

So yeah. Word of advice – if you’re taking candid shots, don’t make it so obvious. Your subjects will notice and change their behavior like I did.

Annnnnnd guess what. Later THAT NIGHT, I saw UGLY photos of myself posted on facebook!!! Gahhhhh!! I messaged the guy who posted them and asked him to please take them down. As of now, the situation is under control.

I’m really picky when it comes to shopping. I guess it doesn’t only apply to finding a planner! I recently found a peacoat that I absolutely fell in love with. I had to have it. And it was 50% off!!!

I’ll take you through the hunt to find it in numbered steps.

1. Saw the coat at the local mall, but there was only one in size medium.
2. Went home and looked for it online. Sold out.
3. Called every store within 50 miles – Walnut Creek, Valley Fair, Stanford Shopping Center, San Francisco. Gave my credit card number to the Walnut Creek store so they could order it from the East Coast if it was available.
4. They had one XS in San Francisco! Put it on hold.
5. Went into the store to buy it. They couldn’t find the coat. >.<
6. Checked my bank account to find that I GOT IT!!!!! It will arrive on my doorstep in 5-8 business days!

Because of my fussiness I tend to be difficult to shop with. I’ll either spend hours in one store looking through every single rack or I’ll browse through the store in two minutes and want to leave to continue my search elsewhere. It’s hard to adjust my pace when I’m with others lol. Most of the time I spend forever searching only to come home empty handed. Like I mentioned with the planner, it takes several trips before I find exactly what I want!

But every once in a while I find an item that I have to have. I’ll go to great lengths to get it. Maybe that’s part of the fun – the chase. Sounds suspiciously familiar to the way I used to view men… HAHAHA.

Hope it fits lol. Not bad for $33, yeah?