April 23, 2011
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I’m Awkward.
I really am.
Lately I have been failing at small talk. I was never one to hate on it (well I still don’t have anything against it) but the flow of conversation just doesn’t come as naturally as it used to.
I get nervous when I’m talking to people. Even one-on-one, depending on who the other person is. If it’s an authority figure or someone I greatly admire, it has a physical effect on my whole body. My heart races, my cheeks start to hurt as I strain to keep smiling, and my temperature rises… making me feel flushed and sweaty. Yeah, not cool.
It’s no wonder I have TERRIBLE stage fright.
This evening at my church’s Good Friday service I was sitting in the kitchen eating a fantastic sandwich. There were several people bustling around the kitchen but the only two people sitting at the counter were me and the pastor.
This isn’t going where you think it might be going because I don’t get nervous talking to him, thank goodness. He’s a laid back, middle-aged Chinese man who I see more as an uncle than a religious authority. My brother is also dating his youngest daughter, so who knows, we might be related someday…??!?!?!
Given that we were the only two sitting down, he began to initiate conversation. It went something like this:
“So I heard your business is doing well,” he said.
“Yeah, it’s keeping me busy.” *forced smile*
“Are you getting a lot of clients?”
“Yeah, I am.”
“That’s good. I see your photos all over facebook!”
“Haha, yeah…”I knew I should say more, elaborate on my answers, make an effort to keep the conversation going… but I was drawing a blank. I couldn’t think of anything interesting to report about anything. In the end I felt bad for not saying more. Then again, it could have been because I was hungry and stuffing my face while he was trying to talk to me… lol.
Speaking of stage fright, soon after that I had to go on stage and play the violin in front of the entire church. My dad led worship and my mom played keyboard. If my brother was home we could have been a complete family band… he plays the drums and bass guitar. I’m happy to report that I survived the experience! Okay I should get to bed, family photo session at 9 am. Good night.
Comments (11)
I’m the same. But I noticed I could talk a dog off a meat wagon when I don’t think about what i’m going to say and just talk.
I, too, often get nervous talking to people. I hold my breath, which makes me even more uncomfortable. You will be okay.
I suck at small talk and I don’t think I’ll ever be good at it. I have no idea how to respond offering more information than asked in a natural way to keep the conversation going…
Ooh a family band! That’s cool, do you guys ever play together at home?
I don’t like small talk. But it seems inevitable in order to lead to better discussions. Good job on performing though.
@LillyVRose - I wish I could do that when I’m put under pressure!!!
@lonelywanderer2 - Oh dear, holding your breath does not sound pleasant during a conversation… lol!
@hana_sj - Hehe well I think you did fine when we had our photo shoot. We get asked that question all the time and the answer is no. It probably happens once a year nowadays. Ever since I was a kid I had an aversion to playing music with my family… yeah it’s cute, but.. I don’t know. I guess as a child it didn’t seem possible to have fun and hang out with my parents in that way. I still would much prefer playing music with friends instead.
However we were all on the worship team at some point, so we did used to play together more often. Just not at home.
@aka_lswing - True. lol thanks, although how can you say good job when you didn’t even hear it?
@onlyjustbegun - Well I’ve heard you play violin before (long ago) and I thought it was good then. So taking the extra years of maturing and practice, I bet it was great! Hahaha.
@aka_lswing - Hahahaha OR it could go the other way, with my prime being in middle school and a steady decline from there… lol!
Probably due to upbringing and such, but small talk is ‘alright’ for me. I hate it, but I can make due with it.
The trick to it is to play the “two thirds game”. Where you let them talk for about 2/3 of the conversation, and you are the other 1/3. It allows you to take more of a listening position, and allows you to sit back in the conversation. In terms of coming up with responses, try to avoid shorter ones (whenever someone just answers with a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’, i get a little irritated), its just a stonewall of a conversation killer. If they’re asking you multiple questions repeatedly, its probably because they want you to talk more.
If you really want help, try find a local Toastmaster’s International chapter in your area. Even a weekend course is pretty good.
Your family is musically talented and glad to hear that you are serving at church in that manner – that’s putting your talents to good use.
I grew up around adults so i prefer to talk to adults than my peers.
I’m glad you still have time to play violin