April 6, 2012

  • Jeremiah 29:11

    jeremiah blue

    Thank you Lord for giving me hope.

    - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

    Yesterday was a rough day. I had waited anxiously for a week to hear back from a couple getting married in Cabo, Mexico. The wedding is an all-expenses paid trip for three days plus $1000 in exchange for full coverage of the rehearsal dinner and wedding. My meeting with the couple went really well and I clicked with the bride over J.Crew and cake pops. They said that I was their top choice and any other photographer would have to beat me to get the job. It was all very promising but not guaranteed. I secretly wished they would cancel all their other meetings and book me on the spot, but who can blame them for exploring their options.

    The day of their decision came and went without a word. Towards the end of the day I saw a new blog post shared on facebook by another photographer I know. I clicked it, read it, browsed the photos, then reached her travel schedule at the bottom. The first line read, “May 12-14th – Cabo, Mexico.”

    My initial reaction was “WHOA, what a coincidence!!! I’ll be there too!” … and then it dawned on me that she got the job instead of me.

    I took it hard. I really, really, really wanted that job. Add that on top of other circumstances and it just wasn’t the best timing for bad news. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed and bitter… couldn’t help wondering why they chose her. Was my personality not charming enough? Did they prefer her photography style over mine? What did she offer that I couldn’t?

    My friends and family assured me that there would be other opportunities in the future, but it was little comfort. Destination weddings are hard to come by. I have booked one in my career so far… one out of maybe 40-50 weddings. I know there will be more but there’s no way of telling how soon or how far away that will be from now.

    This morning I caught up with a high school friend who assured me that anyone who hires me is blessed. And somehow in the midst of our conversation I thought of a verse that was recently shared in my Bible study.

    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

    The last sentence truly spoke to me. I repeated it over and over to myself this morning and felt a wave of peace come over me. He has plans to give me hope and a future.

    He has plans for you too. :)

March 22, 2012

  • A Day in the Life

    It is 4 pm in the afternoon and I am still in my pajamas, sporting freshly painted nails and makeup from the day before. I just finished sending out a batch of follow up emails and wonder if any will return with good news. Doubtful, but you never know.

    I enjoy telling people that I’m weird because of how often they respond with a stern look. “No, you’re not.” Unless they really know me well. I enjoy that reaction too… because they know exactly what I’m talking about.

    Tell me, is it normal to sit at the edge of your bathtub to soak your feet in hot water on a Thursday afternoon? While in your pajamas and eating leftover pasta out of a tupperware? I had never thought to bring food into the picture but it was so ridiculous, it made me feel free.

    Free to create my own escape.

    I feel calm and thoughtful. I like this. :)

    - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

    Now back to editing:

    Leigh Ann & Kevin wedding
    Jen & Brian engagement
    Bijel & Sejal wedding
    Pauline & John wedding
    Jason & Dana wedding
    Chandra & Irene wedding
    Arman & Marissa wedding
    Katie & Shadi wedding

    - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

    Ready, set, GO.

  • Move Along

    When all you got to keep is strong
    Move along, move along like I know you do
    And even when your hope is gone
    Move along, move along just to make it through

    I am so tempted to post emo song lyrics on facebook every five minutes. Why does the Maroon 5 station on Pandora play such sad songs??! I thought Maroon 5 was supposed to be upbeat.

    Yes, I still use Pandora. Yes, I know Spotify is better.

    Not very many people know, but for the past few weeks I’ve been facing a difficult and personal matter. Except I’m not really facing it… because it’s too painful to face. To be honest I’m proud of myself for faking it so well. Anyone who checks up on me via facebook would never guess what I’m going through. And I’d like to keep it that way.

    My smiles and laughter in the moment are genuine… but I am fighting hard to suppress the emotions inside.

    I am numb. I will move along.

December 28, 2011

  • Best Christmas Gift

    For Christians, it’s pretty safe to say that the best Christmas gift we receive EVERY year is God’s gift to humanity – “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.” – Isaiah 9:6.

    The story of Christ’s birth is a crazy and chaotic one, far from the peaceful nativity scene that we picture. It started off with disgrace and humiliation. Imagine being engaged to someone and finding out that they are having a child.. that’s not yours. An angel appeared to Joseph in a dream and reassured him that Mary’s words were true – she had not been with any other man, but was a virgin conceived by the Holy Spirit.

    Next was the obstacle of finding a place to stay in Bethlehem. Because of Caesar Augustus’ decree to take a census, all the people of the Roman world had returned to their hometowns to be registered and there was no room to stay. Joseph and Mary not only had to sleep with the animals… they had to deliver a baby there! Even after His humble birth in a stable, the story wasn’t over. King Herod plotted to kill the king of the Jews and decreed that every infant son under the age of 2 would be murdered. Joseph and Mary fled to Egypt and saved Jesus from this death sentence.

    Amidst the shame, filth and murder… our Savior was born. Given the circumstances, His birth was truly a miracle.

    - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – - – -

    The SECOND best gift I got for Christmas this year was this:

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    Ryan’s parents invited my family over on Christmas day, which was a pretty big deal to me! It meant so much to me to see our parents chatting and getting along. They met many years ago and see each other a few times a year (it wasn’t the first time they met or hung out) but this time it was a special occasion. :)

  • Y U NO…??!

    This is what happens when my boyfriend is unresponsive and I start getting anxious. He wasn’t responding to my texts asking about his dinner plans, so I sent him this image via text:

    And he STILL didn’t respond. So I sent the original.

    I love being a ridiculous girlfriend. ^.^

December 11, 2011

  • Mysteries of the Human Body

    Once again, thanks for the thoughts and prayers for my dad. He went in for an ultrasound and now all we can do is wait for the results.

    On a similar note, I had the pleasure of experiencing something like a “flash fever” while working at two weddings this weekend.

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    Photographers at the photo booth!

    Just moments after that photo was taken, I began to develop a sore throat. It seemed to get exponentially worse by the minute, no matter how much I increased my liquid intake. By the end of Friday night, my throat had swollen to a point that made it very, very painful to swallow. It was weird. I was fine that afternoon. I was even fine at the beginning of the reception. Could it have been an allergic reaction to the fish…?

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    Damn you, stupid fish!

    Despite the fact that I wasn’t feeling so good, I went back to work on Saturday for a wedding in San Francisco. BAD IDEA. It would have helped to know that I had a fever but I didn’t know I had one…

    Skip all the boring details – I ended up going home early instead of staying for the entire wedding. :( I was useless as a photographer anyway… I had no energy to move around and it hurt to talk. Fortunately I was the second shooter so it wasn’t a huge crisis, but it would be if those were my clients! Gotta have back up photographers in case something like this happens in the future! Thank you Van for rescuing me and giving me a ride to my car – it would have been a real burden for the main photographer to drive me across town between the bridal shoot and reception.

    Modern medicine is amazing. It said that it would last 8 hours and sure enough, I woke up in pain at 5 am because the effects had worn off and I was in pain. Haha. I feel MUCH better today, praise God. Definitely going to avoid eating fish for a while…

December 8, 2011

  • Prayers For My Dad

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    Hey everyone,

    My dad received a phone call this morning asking him to go to the doctor’s office immediately. It doesn’t sound like good news. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers this morning as we wait to find out what is going on.

    I was too embarrassed to tell him, but he was a hero in one of my recent nightmares. I dreamt that I was a badass pirate going around and killing everyone on this pirate ship with a sword. All was going well for a while… until they figured out the culprit and ganged up on me. I was hiding, sobbing, begging for my life… and in the end my dad came in and convinced them not to kill me.

    I’ll update when we find out more.

    ** update **

    The doctor doesn’t know what’s wrong so my dad is going in for an ultrasound tomorrow. He’s been on medication for a few months and it’s not working so they’re trying to figure out why. Thanks for the kind thoughts.

December 1, 2011

  • Drawing the Line

    I received an email from a client who wants to submit her photos to a few wedding blogs. Every single sentence except one (which was a question) ended in exclamation marks.

    “Hey Fern!

    I just joined TWO BRIGHT LIGHTS to send photos of my wedding to different blogs! But they only allow the photographers to load the photos!!! Can you load the following photos on TWO BRIGHT LIGHTS so I can submit them? Thanks so much!

    Here are the numbers to load up! Thanks Fern…24,33,44,48,50,52,120,160,112,116,108,95,24,49,42,59 AND the one with me rings and the close up of me!!

    Thanks Fern! Please let me know when this is done so I can submit them to the two blogs!

    Cheers!”

    Somebody needs to calm down. LOL.

    Question: The client is always right, right? Does this mean I am expected to do extra work (create an account, load those photos, etc)? This request is triggering such a bad attitude in me, probably because I have enough work to do and I know it will take a while to do this favor.

    Additional background info: they paid me $500 for wedding photos and the wedding was a disaster. Haha. I’m not very eager to work with them again, though it was my fault for agreeing to shoot a wedding at a fraction of my normal rates. (In my defense, I only did a half day coverage instead of the normal 8 hours.)

    What should I do?

    ** edit **

    Okay I’m going to submit them. lol.

October 6, 2011

  • Work Today

    I’m shooting my first lesbian wedding today. I’m nervous. I’ve already made two mistakes…

    1. I sent them a contract that included the wording “bride and groom.” They sent it back and asked me to change the wording to “bride and bride.” Ahhhhh!!! I should have known… :(

    2. At our client meeting, I asked if they would want family shots after the ceremony. One of them replied, “My family isn’t going to be there.” *awkward turtle*

    Aside from worrying about how to pose them (will this pose be too masculine, etc), now I’m mostly just annoyed. The day-of wedding planner has been SPAMMING my inbox (as well as every other guest and vendor) with a countdown to the wedding day. Every email has the exact same information in it. Time is of the essence. Don’t be fashionably late. And if you don’t know what to get the couple, contribute to their honeymoon fund. I would understand if he sent this out once… maybe twice. But do all the guests and vendors REALLY need eight emails reminding us that the wedding is today??! Ugh.

    The planner also called me after sending the first email because he didn’t hear back from me. And called me again to ask what the plan for the day was. What?! I thought that was your job. I told him that I would be following the brides around the entire day and taking photos. They did not give me any specific instructions. He kept asking me what the timeline would be, what my plan was, etc… and I kept telling him that we did not discuss that. I will show up and take photos.

    Not to mention the horrible grammar in the subject of today’s email:

    “CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? THERE BIG DAY IS FINALLY HERE! EMAIL REMINDER!”

    Hahahaha. Any respect I had for you is gone. :P

October 5, 2011

  • When Your Child Disappoints You…

    I spent the past two hours on the phone with one of my photographers friends in Atlanta. We can spend hours talking about business… I love it.

    While on the phone, I told her to look up one of my newly found favorite photographers. She was oohing and aahing over the photos and I wanted to follow along too… so I grabbed my mom’s ipad (which was conveniently within arm’s reach on the kitchen counter) and opened up Safari.

    The browser opened to an article entitled “Forgiving Adult Children Who Disappoint You.” I gasped and told my friend what I had found, gave her a quick background on my relationship with my parents, then tried my best not to think about it. I changed the subject and we continued to talk about photography.

    Now we’re done talking on the phone and I can’t help but think about what I saw.

    It’s depressing.